You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
