I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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