We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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