I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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