Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize