Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
