I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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