how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
