Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
