yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
