dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
