We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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