I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
