Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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