You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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