mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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