Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
