Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
