I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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