WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
