Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
