Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
