I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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