God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
