Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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