I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
