This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
