I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
