I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm too high and old for this...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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