Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
