He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
