At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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