I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
