Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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