so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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