to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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