I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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