I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize