plz talk dirty to me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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