Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
