I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
