Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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