Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
