omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
