Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
