it wasn't lemon gatorade
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let's get the cat blown out
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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