I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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