It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I currently don't understand fingers.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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