Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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