Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize