God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
