Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
