I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
