I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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