I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
