just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
