a search helicopter?!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
