Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
