She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
