that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
