And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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