I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
40s are totally the cure
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
