new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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