You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
