i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
