I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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