i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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