I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize