But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
