So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
