omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
