So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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