He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize