She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
