I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
