i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
