Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
