no, he came in my armpit
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
