Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So vagazzling was a success
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
