Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
cat food counts as protein by the way
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Of course I have a pirate flag
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
