Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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