We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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