her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
