GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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