There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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