Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
