I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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