She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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