I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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