I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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