That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
