I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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