Kiss
Puke
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize