I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
