life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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