He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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