Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
