I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
